The Most American Things I've Ever Seen

Today I went to Denham Springs which is beside Baton Rouge.  I was after some Alligator Jerky, which I did NOT end up finding because they were out of stock.  But the day wasn't a loss because.....I found the most glorious tribute to America and Rednecks EVER. 

Bass Pro Shop


Behold its glory!

It's HUGE.  and it had a giant parking lot.  I swear this place must be the souths version of Disneyland.  There were tons of people walking into and out of the store with guns.  Like totally casual about it - just hanging out with my rifle, no biggie.

Also note:  This is located next to a Hooters.  Extra classy!

Just look at this - it's amazing!  I was struck down with the sheer amount of crazy as soon as I stepped in the doors.

Dead animals galore!

A bunch of dead ducks watching you from above.  PS sorry some of these are bad..I felt weird taking pics in the store

Hey whats up?  I'm a dead squirrel!  39.99 for camo coloured crocs y'all!

Better pics of the various ducks

 I feel like his last thought might have been "Great.  Some asshole in Bass Pro Shop gear just murdered me.  Awesome."

Teach your kid to kill deer!

Fake bear skin for the children's room is the ultimate in luxury/

Big fish tank in the store

I don't know what this animal is but I like that his death face is :S

CRAZY scary eyes on the fish in the tanks

Theres even alive ducks in one area.  Alive...for now....

Theres turtles hanging out too.

Fish stuff for the home

Sorry for the quality - this is actually lingerie in camo colours.  This is real life.  Later I went back to try and get a better pic and there was a woman ACTUALLY BUYING THIS.  FOR REALZ, Y'ALL.

More sexxxy hunters camis

Awesome toilet paper roll holder

Babys first camo coloured hunting overalls?

is someone actually taking their infant hunting?!?

What a great store, honestly this was everything about America in one stop.

If only this came in small!

It was written on the wall...

Here is a collection of things that were written on the break room whiteboard at work.  I didnt take any pics because you aren't allowed a camera at work.

Anyways, the stuff written on the wall is pretty much one of the bright spots in my day.  its pretty amazing how much tact and class people have!

Some things that have been on the whiteboard below:

"He who go to bed with itchy butt wakes up with stinky finger"

Beside a picture of an anime style cat-lady hybrid  "Please date me"

"I quit this bitch!"

Beside someone writing "Lion King at 9:30 tonight!" was written: "I have a boner" (*side note - really dude?  You have a boner for the Lion king?  I think you have bigger problems than work related HR violations)

and my personal fave:

"Me so horny"

It says so much, while saying so little

EDIT:

Almost forgot -

"Mens room needs more____"  One day someone put FARTS in the blank, the next day they put Sanitation.  Childish, but i totally laughed when it said FARTS, because, well, I'm sure that's the one thing the mens room has in abundance.

Geaux Tigers!!

People be crazy....When I woke up today, there was an insane amount of cars parked around the hotel, and people everywhere.  I have no idea when the game starts, I am pretty sure most of these people dont have tickets.

Behold!  The insanity of LSU Football!

I have no idea what GFY means....GTFO would make sense.....

Seems like a lot of people are paying a LOT of money to put tigers on their vehicles.  This one also features a silver tiger on top of it

Things you can buy in Louisiana - Purple and yellow wigs

I have no idea, no do I want to have some idea why this was created

Tiger Beauxt....MY GOD....

These dudes outfits were cracking me up, they had bow ties on too

Hard to see but these guys looked to have some kind of fancy banquet type meal

LSU swing

......Im sure you do, ladies...

Dog in an LSU dress and bow

AMAZING pants

Suspenders of doom

Ok so before I went to this I told Joel I wanted to see a topless woman with her breasts painted like a tiger, I didnt get my wish however I did get to see man breasts lol

Toilet Talk (yeah I'm going there)

So.... something that is different here than it is at home is the bathrooms. 

There is something terrifying and strange about both the construction and people in washrooms in Louisiana. 

First off: The toilets.  They are either too high so I am like a small child with legs dangling or they are too low so I'm eating my knees.  What gives?  Second: The way they are built is so that the water is practically touching your butt. Its sooo strange.

The next thing is honestly so disturbing to me....the water in the toilets is warm!  Its pretty much giving my ass a facial every time I sit down.  I have literally seen a steaming toilet.  This is NOT right.

Other weird bathroom things include:  Many people don't wash their hands -  Gross.  Also they always make a really loud sighing sound either during whatever or when exiting the room.  The stalls are always made so there are large gaps in the construction so you can basically see the other people.  They re also made short on top so you can basically see over them, and high on the bottom so most of your leg shows.  Basically, everything is wrong with bathrooms in Louisiana.

That is all.